I am an incredibly light sleeper; I don't know what I'd do if I married a man who sounded like a thunderstorm in his sleep. My dad's snores used to rumble throughout the entire house. I'd lie awake for hours and think, "poor mom."
But I guess you deal with little ripples like this once you get married. Right?
Back in the Golden Age of Hollywood, you were not allowed to show three things: naked women, toilets (not sure why), and couples (married or otherwise) sleeping in the same bed. Even though the masses couldn't see a husband and wife lying next to each other, the marital bed on a par with the diamond ring, the tiered wedding cake, and white dress was understood as a symbol of American matrimony, family stability.
In recent years, however, the tables seemed to have turned.
Even though anything and everything can be shown on television today (especially things that happen in bed), one in four American couples sleep in separate beds or bedrooms according to the National Sleep Foundation's 2005 survey.
(The National Association of Home Builders says it expects 60 percent of custom homes to have dual master bedrooms by 2015. Recent studies in England and Japan have found similar results).
It's not because they're feuding, per se. Research shows that separate sleepers cite a multitude of reasons for their new sleeping arrangements including, restless leg syndrome, sleep apnea, and evening/morning routines such as late night television watching or going to the gym.
So why the change in ... acceptance?
A recent New York Times article commented on this phenomenon. Dr. Meir Kryger, a specialist at Gaylord Hospital in Connecticut, says that unlike the past people are making their own sleep a priority.
"If their rest is being impaired by their partner, the attitude now is that I don't have to put up with this," he said.
Even though many can probably relate to recent statistics, and are pleased that contemporary life has begun to overrun the institutions once used to contain it, it is still worrisome: in an age when partners hardly eat together, exercise together or spend quality down time together, sleeping together may be the last bastion of togetherness in American relationships.
What will happen if pillow talk dies; will the entire relationship eventually follow?
Many therapists argue, "yes." And is why they believe couples need to compromise and continue to sleep in the same bed.
Paul C. Rosenblatt, a psychiatry professor at the University of Minnesota, interviewed 42 couples for his book "Two in a Bed: The Social System of Couple Bed Sharing." He found a plethora of benefits to "co-sleeping." He believes that sleeping next to your partner is necessary if the relationship is going to grow into a healthy one.
Two findings stuck out for me:
1) Co-sleeping is better for your health. Rosenblatt's subjects mentioned seizures, diabetic shock and other medical emergencies that would have gone undetected if not for a proximate partner. Also, couples reported positive mental feedback about the sense of security they found falling asleep and waking up next to the person they love.
2) Co-sleeping is better for your sex life. Tying into the first conclusion, many statistics show that couples are mentally and physically healthier if they make love at least twice a week. "I talked to plenty of men (and women) who think that sexual intercourse is far more frequent if they have access to their partner," Dr. Rosenblatt said. "If you want it, share a bed."
I find it surprising that I feel this way (dad's snoring still ringing in my ears), but learning to deal with your partner's nocturnal or morning rituals might be best. That said, people should find out if they're going to be deal breakers before they say "I do."
Sarah T. Schwab is a Sunday OBSERVER contributor. Send comments to editorial@observertoday.com or view her Web site at www.SarahTSchwab.com