Plenty of time to watch what you missed

Allow me to introduce myself. I am Joshua Latona. I did have a review for each one of the three movies released on March 13 for you, but with all the corona virus commotion, it 1) doesn’t seem all that important and 2) doesn’t matter anymore since movie theaters are closed.

Any way you look like at it, these are scary times we’re in currently. To quote the great Tony Stark from “Avengers: Infinity War,” “I’m sorry. Earth is closed today.”

“Bloodshot,” “The Hunt,” and “I Still Believe” are not worth risking yours, or anyone else’s health over. “I Still Believe” was the best of the three, which isn’t really a rave review of it, but more of a condemnation of just how bad the other two movies were. Since I don’t know when movie theaters will be back up and running, I thought I’d take this opportunity to introduce myself to you guys in a way that will make you either trust my judgment more, or a lot less than the tagline at the end of each one of my reviews.

Like almost everybody in this area, I was born and raised here. If you weren’t born and raised here, why did you choose to move here? I’ve moved away from the area twice, but came back within two years each time. I’d honestly like to know why you moved here so I could compare reasons with you. Email me at: jalatonamoviereviews@gmail.com .

Like most children, movies, TV shows, and music were my life growing up. Unlike other kids, my mother was the manager of a record store located in the D&F Plaza, called Record Giant. I gained a love of music in the womb, so much so, that when I was born I cried in the nursery after I was born and would only fall asleep when brought into my mother’s hospital room. Soon it was discovered the music in my mother’s room had a calming effect because I was used to sleeping to music, and since the nursery was quiet, it upset me so much, I refused to sleep.

I still enjoy listening to music while I sleep.

Movies are the way I remember and chronicle my life. Just like music can transport us back to a a time in our lives, movies do that for me as well.

“Space Jam” reminds me of sitting in a diner with my father and sister, during my Christmas visit with him in Chicago. Trying to decide what movie to see while reading the Sunday edition of the Chicago Tribune, my father asked me the usual question you ask a 13-year-old, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

My answer that day? Movie director. I didn’t know what to say at the time and that seemed as good an answer as any. It would change every time he’d ask me for the next 5 years.

At 17, after my favorite TV show, “SportsNight,” was canceled, an idea for a movie burrowed its way into my brain like a song you can’t get out of your head. While mourning the loss of “SportsNight”, watching the episodes I had recorded, and becoming enamored with Aaron Sorkin’s other show, “The West Wing” I became obsessed with his writing.

In September 2000, I started writing the movie that kept on playing in my mind on repeat all summer.

Eleven months and 215 pages later, the first draft of my first screenplay, “Presidential Dreams” was finished.

A few months later, I would see the first film of the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy, which would become forever remind me of my first love, who knew almost as much about the movies as I did. If things had gone differently between us, our wedding rings would have been replicas of the prototype of the One Ring.

The prototype was one of 15 different prototypes of the One Ring. It was made by jeweller, Jens Hansen, who died just months after creating the Sterling Silver ring. Yes, the prototype One Ring was made of silver, not gold. I suggest reading the story of creating the One Ring for the movies.

The Ben Affleck starring, “Daredevil”, reminds me of one of my best friends getting hit by a car 2 days after we saw it in theaters. He’s alright, by the way. He survived the accident. “Kill Bill: Volume 2” reminds me of finding out my grandfather had terminal cancer. “Terminator 3” reminds me of my 20th birthday and one of the best days of my life

I have countless other stories both good and bad, and somewhere in between. Right now, or until everything in the world closed down, I went to the Regal Theaters in Buffalo to see movies. I have their Unlimited app which allows me to see all the movies I want for $21/month. I’ve seen 25 movies so far this year. I was supposed to see “A Quiet Place” Double Feature Wednesday at Walden Galleria, but that has since been cancelled.

While I impatiently wait for the movie theaters — and the world to be open again, I’m just going to stream and watch some Blu-Rays I have at my house while I use my A.D.D. to my advantage and finish the 3 movies I’m currently writing.

Do you want to hear about the movies I’m writing right now?

OK. I will tell you, but before I do, I should say my three favorite movie genres are: Horror, Comedies, and Romantic Comedies. I love rom-coms so much that one of my biggest wishes is to someday be able to make a grand romantic gesture to the woman I love. I got close once. Once, Johnny.

For my first love’s birthday I bought her a bunch of presents (some of which she already had) that highlighted a memory I had of her. Each present was going to be delivered to her throughout the day with a note describing each memory. At the end of the night I was going to present her with her last present: an appointment for a new tattoo.

What happened to thwart these plans? Ironically, I got the H1N2 virus. I also had the first one when that came out four years previously

I do apologize that the Grand Romantic gesture I promised was more of a small, slightly romantic birthday present, but that brings me to the first movie I’m in the process of writing:

“A Thousand Miles” is about James Court, a guy who misses his girlfriend’s birthday because he came down with the bovine flu. Not believing him, she breaks up with him. To win her back, James announces in his valedictorian speech he will walk 500 miles from her house and turn around to walk the 500 miles back to her front door.

“The Disaster Wedding” is the second movie I’m writing. It is a found-footage comedy.

“Hitched” is the third movie I’m currently locked in a linguistic battle, or commonly referred to as writing. This is the movie I plan on producing and directing in the next few years. It is a horror romantic-comedy. The easiest way I’ve found to describe it is this: Imagine the movie Saw, but seen through a romantic-comedy lens.

As soon as I finish writing Hitched, I will have to figure out how much it’ll cost to film, and then find someone willing to put up the money to produce it (anyone who wants to be a movie producer, a couple hundred thousand dollars will be more than enough to cover it). In the meantime, I’ll just be here writing it.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10

Recommendation: J. A. Latona still needs work, but he’s getting there.

Told you this was going to be a review of me.

I was thinking of giving suggestions of movies and TV shows to watch while Coronatined, but I didn’t have time to research what streaming services they are all on. Post your movie and/or tv show suggestions and the streaming service they’re on under this article (if reading online) or by emailing me at jalatonamoviereviews@gmail.com and I will post them along with mine next week. If we’re still quarantined or, coronatined.


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