I have one favored hummingbird feeder.

I also have perfectly gorgeous hummingbird feeders. They (for there are three formed of colored blown glass, truly objet d’art) sit, wrapped in tissue papers in the boxes in which they were given to me – on a top pantry shelf.

I also have a very mundane plastic hummingbird feeder that I could dangle from a hook on the deck. I did in fact for many years but now it too sits on that same shelf. (There is also an artsy oriole feeder there as well. Mine prefer the slice of an orange or, now, the ever-present grape jelly.)

The feeder I use to attract and satisfy hummingbirds is a simple one: a clear plastic tube and a wider red plastic bottom with three holes for them to reach the sugar syrup. Trouble is, at one time, each hole had a little perch so the birds could rest while they sipped rather than continue to hover. For whatever reasons those three perches are now down to one.

To be perfectly candid, I’m not at all sure the hummingbirds give a hoot whether they hover or sit. Seems as though I’m refilling it every other day now.

Still, being a woman (which may just be the best excuse for just about everything), I decided it was time to buy a new feeder with all perches intact.

The Internet found me a doozie in no time at all. A larger tube, quite efficient looking and even recommended by the National Audubon Society. What could be better?

As I placed my order, I noticed that, were I to order two, I’d save shipping costs, dropping the price for each by a considerable amount. OK – I only have one window which is practical for hanging any kind of bird feeder. So why did I need two? I know . . . but it seemed to make sense at the time.

The two – a large package – arrived not too many days later. I was impressed. These are made of glass, at least twice the size of what I’d had, and certainly more attractive than my cheap faded plastic.

They also came with very detailed instructions for mounting the TWO suction cups. I was to heat them in hot – but not boiling – water and then rub on hair oil to produce an even stronger bond. I did just as directed. Fortunately the glass is strong, if not shatter-proof, for the entire unit fell to the deck before I was back indoors.

Hmmm.

I found a second set of directions. All I’d need: to wet the cup(s) and secure to any window. I did. Being wiser (perhaps) this time I only affixed the bracket with the suction cups to which the feeder would ultimately be attached. It was still there the following morning. I added the entire glass unit and, again, it stayed up beautifully.

Big test – would it hold water? I’d lost an entire double portion of sugar water on my initial attempt and wasn’t going to gamble again. Water. Bracket. Window. (I’ve neglected the step where I needed a friend’s help to show me how to separate feeding tube from bracket in the first place but that’s OK. I got it now.)

Well, that lasted about two seconds.

As far as I’m concerned, the filled unit is simply too heavy to be held in place by two regular-sized plastic suction cups.

I emailed my dissatisfaction to the company who had sent them. Did I want credit or a refund? A refund would be lovely. Should I return my two? (Of course, since I do procrastinate at times, all boxes and packing material were long gone.) No. Just keep them.

I presumed that was the end of my epic though I still only had one old feeder I continued to hope to replace.

The end – until the following day when the Internet message found me: your shipment has been sent.

WHAT?

Two more identical hummingbird feeders were on the way. I replied and then telephoned (at my expense, no 800-number here and a very long wait) immediately. Jacob checked – at great length while I waited, perhaps stopping to nibble his lunch – and then assured me they had already been shipped. He said they’d issue a refund.

One refund? Or two? (Don’t be silly!)

And four quite useless hummingbird feeders.

Susan Crossett has lived outside Cassadaga for more than 20 years. A lifetime of writing led to these columns as well as two novels. Her Reason for Being was published in 2008 with Love in Three Acts appearing last year. Copies are available at the Cassadaga ShurFine and Papaya Arts on the Boardwalk in Dunkirk. Information on all the Musings, the books and the author may be found at Susancrossett.com.