Donald Trump kept a diary/journal on his recent trip to the Middle East and Europe. My outstanding research staff got a copy of his recollections that were found in Making America Great Again. Enjoy.

Dear Diary/Journal. What a relief to get out of Washington where the witch hunt goes on. The only ones enjoying it are crooked Hillary Clinton and her buddies in crime. I can even feel her presence as I landed in Saudi Arabia. Yuck.

Wow. You talk about sand, the Saudis have got sand. Of course, we had a sandstorm. Come on, this is the 21st century, guys. Plant some grass. It’s a no-brainer. It would help with those sand storms. From what I can tell, America has better sand than this stuff, although I better keep that opinion to myself.

We had that Sword Dance that the world got to see. It was a little creepy if you ask me. You get a bunch of guys in white robes holding a sword and swaying to the music celebrating their swords is not exactly a subtle message to the world, if you know what I mean? But as you know, diary, I, Donald Trump, can present his sword and do well in any sword contest you want. And believe you me, I represented the interests of America against all the Arabs with ease, if you know what I mean.

My trip to Israel was alright. I was a little miffed that there wasn’t much pageantry, pomp, and stance. I felt a little goofy wearing that Hanukkah on my head. Commander in chief of the mightiest military in the world wearing a beeny, not good. But I do what is necessary to make America great again. But hold on there, buddy. I’ll wear the beeny, but when it comes to that Jewish chop chop thing, no way on that one.

Can you imagine crooked Hillary wearing one of those hanukkahs? It would probably burst into flames as soon as it touched her lying head.

Praying at the Western Wall was pretty nice. I became the first sitting President to do that. Sitting President isn’t a term that exactly fits me. Maybe it fits Obama but believe me, I don’t sit around. I do.

I put a little note into that Western Wall. It was a mighty powerful prayer. I should have said, “Please, Lord, don’t let this rickety old wall fall on me.” Nothing like the wall I’m going to build and Mexico’s going to pay for. Maybe I’ll get Saudi Arabia to pay for it, too. They’re loaded.

I can’t tell the world what the prayer was but it had to do with making America great again, and a little bit about James Comey, Lying Hillary, and Senator Pocahontas.

I like Bibi Netanyahu but I sure do fight back giggles when I call him Bibi. When a guy’s named Bibi, you expect him to be about 4 feet tall wearing a hat with a propeller. Is an enemy supposed to be scared when you hear, “Bibi’s coming after you? “Ooooh, beware, Bibi’s coming.” After my visit, you can bet peace in the Middle East is on its way. I bring people together despite what the fake news tells people.

The one thing that I told Bibi to do is replace that piece of junk wall. I mean, it’s been 2,000 years since that thing was built. It’s about time to put up a new one, Bible. Come on, enough already. And make the anti-Semites pay for it.

Everybody’s making a big deal about telling the Israeli official that I just got back from Saudi Arabia and called it the Middle East. As if I don’t know that Israel is in the Middle East. I know exactly where Israel is. It’s surrounded by a bunch of loser countries. And there are loser countries in the right east like China, and Turkey in the left east.

We left Israel and arrived in Rome around lunch time and boy, as soon as we opened the door to Air Force One I could smell the garlic. Those goombahs sure like that stuff. I like it too, but Melania won’t let me get within 10 feet of her.

Got to meet the Pope and some more creepy guys wearing robes like those cardinals. Here’s a good joke I told the Pope. When we shook hands, I said, “Hey Pope, I see all these cardinals but where are the sparrows and chickadees?” If you saw that sourpuss face that he had in our picture, he didn’t think that joke was very funny. I’ll tell you what. After being around all these weirdo guys wearing dress-like outfits day after day, the only guy I want to see in a robe again is me at Mar A Lago.

The Pope’s a lot shorter than I thought. I must be a good foot taller and making America great again in many ways.

I was surprised to see him wearing one of those Jewish hanukkahs on his head, too. Kind of weird to see a Catholic guy wearing one. They’re not exactly a great-looking hat so what’s with that fashion piece? I don’t get it.

Pope Francis gave me a book he wrote on global climate change. I plan on putting that on my night stand for a little causal reading after I finish War and Peace. Ha, ha.

It made the world fake news outlets that I said the Pope “is something.” Yeah, he’s something alright. He runs the Vatican which is 110 acres and I run the greatest country in the world with millions of acres. I’ve had three wives; built some of the greatest buildings in the world; and some of the greatest golf courses in the world. I crowned the most beautiful women in the Universe. Had a huge hit TV show and this tiny little man, though a nice man, wearing a robe and a silly hanukkah is telling me what to do. Yeah, he’s something, alright.

Left Rome and flew into Brussels, Belgium. Here’s a city famous for sprouts. Big deal. I wonder if they have a place here called Cauliflower? Makes me think of covfefe. I like that word. Going to have to use that more often.

I met with the NATO leaders. We should change it to NOPAY. Bunch of losers. Pay up you slackers. If not, I have a good mind to hand them over to Putin and see how they like paying off the gasoline bills for Russian tanks.

Ran into Angela Merkel at the meeting. Whew! Can’t say I was happy to see her again. Just between you and me, she’s living proof that Hitler failed big league to create the master race. I’ll tell you who the big loser is there; Mr. Merkel. Covfefe.

I enjoyed the G7 conference in Sicily. That’s because I told those G6 losers where to go on climate change. If these guys think the earth is warming up due to human activity, wait until they see what it looks like after I make America great again. Things are going to be really smokin’!

I’m coming home a winner, all you fake news people. I just hit a home run. Take that, Washington Compost. Tomorrow I start draining the swamp again. Maybe I’ll start with the Lying Creature From the Black Lagoon. I’ll invite her to the White House and fit her for an orange jumpsuit. See you soon, Hillary. Covfefe.

Nin Privitera is a Fredonia resident. His column appears the second Sunday of the month.