Star power can make Trump vulnerable
Democrats need a better strategy for finding the best challenger to get in the ring with the Trumpster. What they have right now is a flawed bunch that could be easily exploited during the presidential debates. If the Dems want to win, they’re going to have to fight fire with fire, to brawl with the brawler. And the first step is to fire all their present candidates.
The first to go is Joe Biden, who is pretty old. I was watching Lawrence Welk reruns recently and I think I saw Joe and Donald in the live audience! They both looked dapper, especially during those segments where select audience members get out on the dance floor with Lawrence in front of the cameras. I should note that they were not dancing with each other, and that Donald’s partner appeared half his age and wore so much shimmering jewelry beneath the chandelier that the camera shot was a glare, outshining even Joe’s teeth.
Elizabeth Warren’s biggest liability is not her DNA, but rather her handiwork. By that I mean her hands. You’ve heard the expressions “the tail wagging the dog” or “putting the cart before the horse.” Well, in Liz’s case her hands seem to have a mind of their own. They flap about like wild birds as she lunges after them to-and-fro across the stage, her words struggling to keep up, her glasses slipping perilously close to the end of her nose. Moreover, there is the danger that she may say something inadvertently in sign language that could offend deaf people, turning them against her.
Kamala Harris has good looks and plenty of social grace and style, and she is a pretty artful dodger. But her problem is that of too much education. She is like the college professor whose lecture seems to be going someplace very interesting, as if a final point is in the making. However, in the end you forgot how the whole thing started. Donald does not have that problem. His entire thought process is encompassed in a tweet, and there are no confusing nuances or boring spots.
Like Liz, Bernie Sanders has a problem expressing himself. Bernie points and shrugs and flails his arms about as he delivers dark statistical evidence as to the concentration of wealth and power among America’s richest. This is not a message that will resonate among the people, who see him as a sour-grapes guy-a sore loser who lacks pizzazz. Americans want simple facts and simpler alternative facts, and as far as body language, they like the little ‘o’ that Donald makes with his thumb and forefinger. It means something to them.
I see little chance for any of these candidates to unseat the champ. My theory is that the person who can beat Trump must have three essential qualities: amazing appearance, incredible communication skills, and the ability to sell unbelievable stuff. So here is a list of those who stand the best chance.
A great choice would be Colton Underwood, a recent star on the TV show The Bachelor. Here is a young, handsome, friendly fellow who is also business-savvy, ruthless and not afraid of competition. He will be able to express his love for America with the same down-home romantic flare as he did for his bride-to-be. Because this he-man embodies the traits that Donald values highly, POTUS would be forced to come up with new tools to emasculate him.
Perhaps even more attractive would be Hanna Brown, the “The Bachelorette” star (especially after the demise of frumpy, crooked Hilary in the last election). Here is a woman who not only looks great, but also has a no-nonsense approach to culling through multiple grovelers and immediately shedding all traces of feeling for those she dumped, including their mothers. Donald had better be careful not to pull any blood-letting stunts with this woman. And he’d better keep his distance from her podium!
(And what a White House it would be if Hanna and Colton rekindled their romance! We all would be befumbled!)
One the biggest public figures today is Shaq, the NBA Hall-of-Famer. Perhaps even more formidable than his seven feet tall, 350-pound frame is the fact that he has a higher education degree from a private, on-line college that is almost as famous as Trump University. It is important to note that Shaq, despite his scholarly achievements, is not hifalutin. He speaks the language of the people. He also knows about pain.
Another contender might be singer/actress Jennifer Lopez. She has a lot of experience firing people, and if the mischievous Donald gets fresh or makes a comment about her diet, she’ll have A-Rod on the sidelines with a baseball bat waiting for the POTUS’s autograph!
I should note that because today’s voters have taken a strong liking to reality TV shows, the candidate does not need to show much in the way of experience or achievement. One can just pop out of the cake at any moment, and while the frosting is still wet, can rise to a level of notoriety worthy of today’s White House.
The most important quality of our next president must be his or her creativity. She or he must demonstrate the ability to recreate history in an exciting way and to inspire us through new and better images of war and heroism. We need visions of stealth bombers flying over the tall ships on the Chesapeake. We want to see Kim Yong-Un’s grandfather coming to General MacArthur’s aide in overthrowing the brutal socialist regime in Korea. We want an expansive steel rampart upon which stand brave soldiers with automatic weapons mowing down throngs of zombies as they attack our borders. What Americans want most is for someone to simply tell them what they like to hear.
Pete Howard is a Dunkirk resident, writer, musician and teacher. FOCAL Point strives to make insightful social commentary through the integration of Facts, Observations, Compassion, Awareness and Logic.