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Every job is essential to our state, governor

Commentary

Thank you to our governor for your valuable advice in recent weeks. We all appreciate knowing that most of our lives and jobs are non-essential.

For those who own their own businesses, are furloughed or laid off it is a good thing that we have you, Andrew Cuomo, to tell us that the solution to meeting our rent, car loans, utilities or feeding our families is just to get an essential job. No longer do we need waitresses, handymen, or carpenters. So, governor, is your girlfriend now cutting your hair, dying her own hair and are you mowing the executive mansion lawn all by yourself? Congratulations! I’m sure that your chef and house staff have also been laid off and you are eating whatever is left in your cupboard so as not to have to run to the supermarket or stand in a food pantry line.

Let me help you give out work assignments. I’m retired now on my teacher pension and Social Security so I have time to run everyone else’s lives just like you and I’ve always been a big fan of sarcasm! So here goes, Andrew!

To those of you who have been shut out of your jobs before now:

Sorry, I personally enjoy having a manicure or pedicure as a special treat. Thank you to all the estheticians who offer facials, body wraps and nail treatments. But sorry, time to give it up. Become a senator.

As my hairdresser would say, “Please don’t ever trim your own bangs again!” To all the hairdressers: give up your careers and become surgeons. That goes for all you barbers, too. Seems to me, if I remember my history correctly, your work at one time included medical procedures and dentistry.

If you are one of those caring people who give massages, there must be an essential job you can do. How about public works employee? You could still work with your hands digging up broken water pipes but you would now be important to our society. I’ll miss you, though!

Now for those of you who once did the unnecessary work of lawn care, there must be some way you can still work out of doors and be essential. We always need firemen. Oops, I forgot for a moment. That is mostly a volunteer job in our area. So that idea is out. How about applying for a phone company or cable company job? I wonder how many of those are needed?

I always thought being a mason or home builder would be so fulfilling. To be able to drive past the work you completed would be so rewarding! But now I realize how very nonessential that work is. Go drive a bus or be the security guard on the subway making sure everyone is staying 6 ft away from each other and checking that masks are being worn.

Oh, yes, all you gift shop owners. After all, do you really want a job where someone can walk into your store wearing a mask, sunglasses and a hoodie? Our governor wants to help you be essential, too. Since you and your store are useless to society, go get a job as a police officer. Of course, with everyone stuck in their homes, even some of the police officers are being laid off.

Teachers? I guess you have figured out how nonessential you have become. Hopefully someone at School 7 will change the sign in front of your school. It is quite obvious that attendance really isn’t 80% of success. School attendance is not needed at all, not grade schools, high schools or colleges.

Proof of that was that your jobs were the first to go. You can always apply for convenience store clerk. You might want to see the paragraph above about gift store owners. The governor thinks wearing a mask is a great idea. You must have noticed that Andrew is always wearing his mask. May God bless all of you who are gas station or convenience store cashiers. You have been a valuable asset especially at this time and have not often been thanked.

For those of you who have no sense of humor, I apologize. I’m being told by the media that we are all going to die. I thought that was a fact of life but we have never in history had such a horrendous disease that is waiting right outside our homes to jump us if we dare to hug our children within sight of a drone or nosy neighbor.

For the rest of you who hold nonessential jobs but who are able to see the value in all jobs, thank you for reading my little rant. I look forward to the day when reasonableness descends once again on our country. I pray this is not and never will be “the new normal.” God bless America!

Patricia Lazarczyk is a Silver Creek resident.

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