Mask era becomes a cover-up

Humor: It must be another phase we’re going through

I have to apologize to you, my dear reader, for getting this column to you a bit late. For you see, I am deeply perplexed by masks rules and orders; 6 feet of separation, protests, and riots and tearing down a statue of somebody annoying. I feel as though I am not showing enough concern for the marginalized citizen.

I don’t want to violate any mask wearing rules and decrees. They do change quite frequently so it is imperative that I keep up with latest regulation that come down from Mt Sinus and Andrew of Albany. I’m perplexed. Are we in Phase 3, or is it 4, or is it, possibly 4.3? Am I to wear a mask to get gas in my car or not? How about the transfer station where there is garbage? Is the virus found in greater density near that stuff? What does Fauci say about potato peels and banana skins?

Am I allowed to hug someone without a mask while splashing both of us down with a sanitizer after the hug, before the hug, or both just to be extra safe?

If you crush someone’s skull in a riot, I don’t think you need a mask even though you broke the 6 foot rule. No masks are cool in riots but you need a mask if you’re near a church that you can’t attend. Someone could have snuck into the church and is singing which is considered a hazard.

I know I don’t have to wear one to a riot or a peaceful protest that turns into a riot. That’s alright according to Andrew of Albany. He says that tearing down monuments is a “healthy expression” in getting our priorities in order.

There’s a sculpture of a bundle of trash on the campus of Fredonia State. Upon close examination, I noticed a cannoli wrapper near one of corners. Is that a statement of anti-Italianism? Should I take offense and possibly protest on campus about that message? Or should I tear it down?You see why my column is late getting to you? I’m struggling between masks, maintaining 6 feet from everything, honoring the correct culture and destroying the wrong ones. It’s exhausting to keep it all straight.

Do I have to wear a mask while I typed this article that your are now splitting your sides over? I did, just to be safe, so read on.

I grow weary of carrying around my several masks and yet, I hear from Joe Biden that if he becomes President, and he’s aware of it, he is going to make wearing a mask a federal mandate. It’s never going to end, folks.

¯ ¯ ¯

You may have missed this extremely important development during the pandemic news and the evolution of the new world order.

The PC woke movement has now reached its progressively evolved fingers into the world of animated cartoons. HBO is a about to revive Looney Toons. They plan on dressing up Bugs Bunny cartoons to meet the evolved standards of 2020. It’ s about time for Hollywood to clean up its act in many ways. At least it’s getting a lame start by only affecting the life of Elmer Fudd.

If you know anything about the Fudd-Bunny feud, Wikepedia describes the two as adversaries. Excuse me? When one carton character is trying to kill the other they are more like mortal enemies, not adversaries. Elmer Fudd has been trying to kill Bugs Bunny for many years.

If you’ve been paying attention, you know that guns are bad according to the “wokes”. That’s unless you’re a guard watching the borders of Nancy Pelosi’s multimillion dollar estate. Those guns are good because the cause that they are designed to protect(Nancy) is flooded with virtue up the giggy.

But for the creators of the Bugs cartoons, Elmer Fudd’s guns are now bad and they have to go. Before we discuss future plans for Elmer’s vile quest to destroy Bugs, I have a few questions about Mr. Fudd.

If you have any answers please inform my vast research staff which is at a loss.

What is Elmer Fudd? Is he a human being? The reason I ask is he’s only as tall as Bugs Bunny and if you stand a bunny on his back feet, he’s only about one foot tall.

Elmer looks like a human. He’s not exactly a hunk but there might be a Mrs. Fudd. He could be quite wealthy. He doesn’t ever appear to have job so he has a lot of time for hunting rabbits. He must have some resources to buy ammunition to blow Bug’s head off which he hasn’t been able to do for over half century. He does a pretty nice looking hunting ensemble, Perhaps L.L. Bean? Fudd has bucks to dress so swanky. Perhaps he’s being funded by George Soros like everybody else with a crowbar today.

What’s the issue between the two? Did Bugs get into Elmer’s garden one time and clean out the carrots? Maybe Elmer is a specist and has an undying hatred of wabbits. And what’s with the creators of Fudd? They’re poking fun and discriminating against people with a speech impediment. Elmer says , ” be vewy vewy quiet, I’m hunting wabbits” Laughter at the expense of a handicap. Not too cool Hollywood.

Whatever the answer is to all these questions about Elmer and Bugs, the guns are going but new methods of killing bunnies are now approved by Looney Tunes. One clip shows Elmer trying to cut Bugs in half with scythe. I guess they find that a bloody ending of flying body parts less offensive than bullets. Another clip shows Elmer trying dynamite. That means of killing has been going on for years by the futile efforts of Wiley Coyote. If you recall, that feud with the Road Runner has featured many Acme Products usually providing explosives.

The cartoon characters Sylvester the Cat and Tweety Pie, the yellow canary, has been championing years of violence. Not only violence but once again making fun of a speech impediment. Sylvester would say ” suffering succotash” with a lisp that would spew spittle all over the screen characters. Not funny Hollywood. In the time of social distancing and viruses around every corner, it’s past the proper time to clean up your act.

How about a remake of Bambi where this time Bambi’s mother makes it to a nursing home.

Nin Privitera is a Fredonia resident. His column appears the second Sunday of the month. Send comments to editorial@observertoday.com


Today's breaking news and more in your inbox

I'm interested in (please check all that apply)
Are you a paying subscriber to the newspaper? *


Starting at $4.62/week.

Subscribe Today