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Seeking a better shot at normalcy after vaccine

I nearly missed my submission date on this article. My vast research staff and I were probing the depths of the image that was presented to America on the evening of April 28.

It was the night of President Biden’s speech to Congress. During his speech he told America, looking us right in the eye, to get vaccinated. And yet, what did we see all around him, vaccinated people with masks on. Behind him were the two America the Beautifuls, Kamala and Nancy all masked up, sitting about 5 feet apart, which I imagine was a violation of the Fauci protocols of 6 feet or is it now 3 feet? I don’t know because I can’t keep up with the Great and Wonderful Oz.

I presume Kamala and Nancy have been fully vaccinated with the jab which is now a vaccine because they changed the definition of a vaccine from what it used to be to allow the injection to qualify as a vaccine.

Out in the House Chamber there were congressional figures all masked-up and many sitting about 12 feet apart sending a signal to patriotic Americans in the TV audience to be even more cautious once you get the jab.

These images lead me and my staff to ask the question, what are we to make of this injection? I am sure that most Americans know that this potion injected into a human muscle contains mRNA, nanobots, PEG, the kitchen sink and who knows what else. The manufacturers tell us it will make a synthetically designed strand of mRNA gene to provoke the body’s cells to make synthetic spike proteins.

That synthetic protein will allegedly trigger one’s immune system to make synthetic antibodies to prevent the real spike proteins of the virus from penetrating your real body cells from infection when they see the real virus SARS-CoV-2. Got it?

Once this all happens, we would assume one would be immune to the virus that causes COVID-19 and one would assume that you can’t transmit it to some one else. So what’s with all those masks and sitting in the next county from one another?

Do you think Nancy was thinking all through the Biden speech that she could be infected by something from Kamala or vice versa?

And what’s with Nancy’s rather uninspiring plain old powder blue mask selection for the night?

She usually has on something delightful from her endless collection of outfit coordinated masks.

The major media outlets should be asking our important D.C. leaders the reason for avoiding one another after they have been ” fully vaccinated.”

The only answer must be that the jab doesn’t work on swamp creatures.

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Sometimes I cause myself unneccessary grief. I just did so the other day. My vast research staff informed me of this new study into women’s health by Truly Beauty into women’s health. The results are “truly” upsetting. Hold on to your seats guys and maybe even some gals, they’s, those, or theirs.

The average woman pops 4,153 pimples in a lifetime. YEECHH! Can you believe that guys? That delicate rosebud that you worship and cherish is spending a lot of time in front of mirror blasting divots into her pretty Mona Lisa. That rumble that you hear occasionally isn’t a dump truck going by the house. It was caused by a zit breaking the sound barrier from the face of your little old “sweetie pie.”

Where is American ingenuity? Come on cosmetologists, get with it. The women’s cosmetic industry should be dealing with products to assist in the zit plague? I’m sure some one at Maybelline would have by now developed something like the Maybelline Madame Ziterminator. “Ladies, are you desperate to rid yourself of squeezing 4,153 zits per year? Of course you are. Are you tired of hiding this embarrassing task from that man in your life? Absolutely.”

“We have the perfect product to eliminate THE BIG SQUEEZE. You can order your Maybelline Madame Ziterminator online as of today. The Ziterminator allows you to simply push a button and a small nuclear device will send that pesky old zit to the abyss followed by a collagen plug. No hole, no scar, no blemish all with the push of a button. Your squeezing days are over.” 4,152 to go!

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Did you see the Super Pink Moon on April 21? It was called Super because it was closer to the earth making it look 30% brighter and 14% larger. It wasn’t pink, though. It’s called pink because this event occurred around the time of herb pink moss blooming.

The next full moon in May will be on the 26th. In accordance with the Pink Moon designation with a flowering plant in May, my staff and I would like to offer the name of the next full moon as the Green Moon. May is the harvesting of natures elixir known to Italian-Americans: ta da!!!! the almighty green goddess of the plant world-the GARDUNE.

Every Italian/American worth his garlic will march off to a secret field location somewhere in WNY with shovel and knife in hand; shopping bags prepared to overflow with the gathered green goddess of life ; the almighty gardune.

Hot skillets laced with olive oil will create a sizzle in the air as they await the egg, flour, bread crumb coating to cook the long awaited fresh green champion of Mother Nature’s Olympian weed of choice. Gardunes at attention! Let the feast begin!

Nin Privitera is a Fredonia resident. His column appears monthly. Send comments to editorial@observertoday.com

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