A few weeks ago, the Biden Administration had proposed installing a Disinformation Czar to weed out, you guessed it, disinformation. It will be his, her, or they’s job to determine what is true and what ain’t.

Well darn it, that idea didn’t last long. It is now on pause for further consideration. I think that President Joe Biden will reconsider the position and reestablish the department. It looked like it could be a lot of fun.

We need someone brilliant and filled with infinite wisdom now more than ever. We need that demi-God to tell us the truth because in this day and age, I don’t know what to believe. So thank you President Biden, almost, for this wonderful gift to America: a Minister of Truth.

President Biden had selected Nina Jankowicz for the job. I have seen several video presentations of hers and wow, what a czar, or is the title of czarina more appropriate? I like Czarina Nina for now but eventually, I know she would turn nasty. Watching some of tic tok stuff, you could see the truth flooding from her pores but with an edge.

My vast research staff has done a lot of digging into her work and they have posted a promising preliminary report from Czarina Nina. I feel comfortable in releasing one of her findings because I believe you too, will be encouraged by her works if she ever takes over..

Her first investigation into the truth was long overdue. The nation has been asking for decades, what really is the truth of Goldilocks and the Three Bears? This is what Nina found to be true.

Goldilocks allegedly roamed into a forest and came across an “unlocked” cabin inhabited by bears eating porridge. This is very suspicious because bears live in caves, not cabins. They were eating porridge? Give me a break.

Goldilocks found the door to a cabin in the forest open? Not likely. My staff found evidence of a forced entry. Goldilocks most likely broke in and began to search for drugs, not porridge left behind by bears. Bears are omnivores who will eat most anything including rotting carcasses. It’s hard to believe porridge was on their table unless there was a supply chain shortage of carcass meat.

As the story goes Goldilocks was very fussy about her breakfast which is embarrassing considering a lack of baby formula since men a re now getting pregnant.

Following a mystery breakfast that never occurred, she couldn’t find much pleasure in two chairs and finally found the third to be just right. Then she had to try out several beds to sleep in. No way. After carelessly messing up two beds, she found one that was “just right.” That’s because she probably found the stuff.

So as the story goes, Goldilocks is in a strange house, eating food that did not belong to her, sitting in chairs that belonged to others, sleeping in a bed not of her own, in the middle of a forest violating the pristine environment, and complaining about trivial discomforts. If this tale is true, Goldilocks seems to have a mindset of privilege- not one of equity and tolerance.

Then we are told that she ran all the way home as though she was unfairly treated as a victim. Furthermore, we have been told to regard her as a some sort of sympathetic figure. Not anymore. I, being the Truth Minster, conclude that Goldilocks was a drug dealing snot that deserves a high degree of revulsion and a felony charge. The end.

Gosh, I’m going to miss Czarina Nina. Please come back.

Nin Privitera, former Fredonia resident, now resides in Franklin, Tenn. Send comments to editorial@observertoday.com