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They are thieves. The bigger ones are bandits. What's more surprising is that they are assisting our housekeeping efforts.
I'm talking about the fact that we seem to be hosting a mini traffic jam on our deck in the middle of the night. They are eaters, but so far, the good kind.
Two nights ago, as darkness set, Dear Richard was heading inside from our dinner on the deck. Since we had chomped down two luscious cobs of corn each, he was carrying the butter dish along with his dishes. Somehow, between the table and the living room door, he tipped the butter dish and the corn-softened butter slid off. He didn't realize it until he arrived in the bright kitchen and noticed the butter dish was empty. I was loading the dishwasher when I heard, "Uh-oh."
"What's the matter?" I asked. And he explained. I replied, "Well, as long as it's not on the living room rug." We agreed that it would have to wait until morning now that it was completely dark.
Yesterday morning, when Richard went out to check what his clean-up would look like, he could find no trace of the soft, spilled butter. No greasy spot. No evidence, Nothin'. Huh? I easily understood that the butter could have lured some hungry critter, but where was the oily stain? That lucky raccoon, or rabbit, or possum obviously possesses a different kind of saliva than we do to break down that stain.
Then last night, we both had baked potatoes, just different kinds. Although I do love a good russet, I occasionally need a baked sweet potato fix. With butter and parmesan. Then, at some point during dinner, I missed my mouth. Richard heard my "Oops," wondering what happened. When I showed him the large orange splotch on the deck, he laughed. "May as well leave it for the critters. They've proved they clean up better than we can."
This morning there was no trace of that orange delight. Nada. And I got to thinking ... who are these creatures? Are they the usual backyard chipmunks? Or are they bigger furry game like those raccoon bandits?
A few years ago, we had a nocturnal destroyer that had to be at least the size of a raccoon. We had a low fountain a few feet from the deck door. It was only knee high, and I thought it was just the right size for the dappling water sound I wanted. The large shell basin held a kneeling cherub. She was lovely. I could even hear the water in the living room when the door was open and the whole scene made me happy.
My son-in-law used to take his work computer to the deck when they visited in the summer. On his endless stream of conference calls, his colleagues would ask, "Where are you? I
can hear birds chirping and babbling water. Are you at some resort?" I think very few mother's-in-law homes fall under the resort category. But Ian loved it. Said it made him as content as one could be while working. Comfortable.
And then one morning it was destroyed. The cherub was smashed and lying in the middle of the deck. The shell basin was on its side with all its water tubes pulled out, broken from the support stand. I was devastated. It was not repairable. Ian was also disappointed - his small work Eden was only half as nice. I miss it.
I don't know if I lost my cherub and her bath to a coon or a bear. But it must have been one of the two to have lifted, broken, and moved the fountain's mass. The nightly vandals. Hooligans.
Uh-oh. Just writing about this makes me think of checking small fountain sales. It is August, after all. Hmmm.
I've given over the dark deck to these night creatures as long as they don't destroy my flowers. So far, they haven't discovered my deck tomato plants with their hanging fruit. Maybe tomatoes aren't marauder food. But honestly, from the research I've done there is almost nothing coons won't eat - from marshmallows to sardines, and everything in between.
I've smelled more skunk odor driving north this summer than I have in many years. Fortunately, they haven't invaded our neighborhood yet, but friends from other areas are complaining loudly. I just hope the Oreo-colored rascals don't venture this way any night soon. Marauding PLUS skunk spray is beyond what this senior could handle.
Maybe Richard and I just need to eat more carefully and not contribute to the "all-you-can-eat" buffet that our nearby garden has always been. We buy plants, the critters eat. I guess the goodies from our spillage on the deck are just dessert.
Contact Marcy O'Brien at Moby.32@hotmail.com.