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Nin Privitera, former Fredonia resident, offers some offbeat takes on recent headlines:
-- Boy oh boy, that trade war between the U.S. and Canada is really getting ugly. President Trump may rename Lake Ontario to Lake America. Oh,oh wait until Trump hears about Canadaway Creek.
-- If things really get out of hand with Canada, rumors are that Trump may apply the knockout blow; a 400% tariff on hockey pucks.
-- A Chinese robot named Lightning just ran a 100-meter dash in a new world record time. Unfortunately, the stop button malfunctioned so Lightning should be pulling into Spain tomorrow.
-- The U.S. Federal debt just recently passed $40 trillion or as Elon Musk calls it, lunch money.
-- Environmental scientists say that a gigantic El Niño is building up in the Pacific Ocean. This could bring tremendously destructive storms to America this winter. The scientists say that describing it as a monster isn't scary enough. How about calling it Grocery Bill?