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Nin Privitera, former Fredonia resident, offers some offbeat takes on recent headlines:
— Oh boy, our trade war with Canada may become more heated than it already is. According to the relentless digging for the truth, my super duper investigative team has found another executive order of President Trump that may soon be signed into law. Here are the highlights of what will be called executive order operation, GET OFF OUR LAKE, YOU, LOSERS.
— Starting today, upon the signing of this executive order 12345, I, Donald Trump, the greatest President in American history, legally declare that any Canadian loser goose recorded landing in Lake America, will be digitally marked as an interloper on sacred American territory and is subject to being sent back across the border by our mighty Space Force( I love that name interloper and I love our Space Force that I established in my fantastic first term. They are doing a fantastic job that no-one has ever seen before. They're unbelievable.
— From deep space, they have the best and most fantastic technology in the world. They can follow any loser Canadian goose and electronically tag it which will allow the United States of America to charge Canada a tariff for each of their loser "interlopers on wings". (I love that term, interloper on wings as I love America.) These goose tariffs will add to the trillions of dollars that are coming into America from all over the world and add to the Golden Age of America like nobody has ever seen before and nobody can believe. God bless America and God bless our Space Force with the greatest technology in the world that will make America rich like never before and Make America Great Again.