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I have an idea. It’s a Big, Beautiful Brainchild, actually. Maybe the greatest idea I have ever had. It will help every citizen of our great nation. I am surprised that the smartest, most creative and articulate president in the history of our country didn't think of it first. Perhaps he has but just hasn't mentioned it?
President Trump doesn't seem to have a filter on his thoughts or his speech. If he did think of this idea first, I am sure it would have spewed from his lips at some point. The president does have nice lips. I hear people say it all the time. "Mr. President, what nice lips you have". Bill Clinton has even said this a time or two. That's what I hear anyway.
My idea was actually inspired by one of Trump's brilliant thoughts. So he could easily take credit for it. I am happy to give the credit for my Big, Beautiful Brainchild to the best president in my lifetime. But If anyone other than our Supreme Leader takes this idea, it was stolen. And we don't like things like elections and ideas being stolen in the US of A. There will be consequences. Grave consequences. Consequences that idea stealers have never seen before. No one had better try to steal our idea.
Instead of Canada, let's make Mexico the 51st state of the USA. There are many reasons why my idea makes so much more sense than adding Canada to our great nation. No offense to our fine neighbors to the north. I love the Canadiens. They are very fine people. But it's cold up there. And Canada is kind of America light anyway. A majority of the Canadian people would love the join the USA. We poll very well there. The French Canadiens call Trump Papa. The current liberal, socialist and Marxist Canuck government just won't allow it at this time. Perhaps someday soon Les Habitants will rise up to join us. Canada could be our next regime change. Until then, adding Mexico to the USA would really turn up the heat in the hottest nation on the planet economically, culturally and temperature wise.
Of course Mexico being as populous as it is, we would likely have to make four states out of her. Unless the new states from Mexico are divided their voting block would be too large and would unbalance our system of government. Around 136 million people live in Mexico. California is the most populous U.S. state with a population of 39 million people. When Mexico is divided into four states, that will put about 24 million in each state. That's a good number. I really like that number. It's a very beautiful number.
We could easily name the most northern state North Mexico. The middle portions of our newest four states will be called West Mexico and East Mexico. The most southerly region will be called South Mexico. These names blend right in with the name of our 47th state, New Mexico. They are different enough so as to avoid any confusion. In one of his most brilliant moves ever, President Trump has renamed the Gulf of Mexico, the Gulf of America, so that's already been taken care of.
After adding the four Mexicos as the 51st, 52nd, 53rd and 54th states, the President could poll the people and gerrymander the states to his liking. That is if we decide to let our new citizens have the vote right away. Maybe just let the men vote at first? We can give Mexican women the right to vote after they have earned it. I am sure that the four states will all lean Republican anyway. Trump polls very well in Mexico as he does all over the world. The Mexican people call him Papi.
Adding states 51-54 will have so many benefits to all of the people involved. Here are some of the many benefits that I can think of. I am sure that once he hears of my idea the most intelligent US president that the world has ever known will come up with even more more advantageous outcomes for this Big, Beautiful Brainchild.
Adding Mexico to the USA will help us protect our Southern border. The border will be reduced from 1,954 miles to a mere 701 miles. Our new border with Guatemala will be 541 miles. The border with Belize 160 miles.The current border fence between the USA and Mexico is 654 miles. That fencing could easily be dismantled and moved to our new southern border. We will need less that 50 miles of border wall to complete the fencing job. Belize and Guatemala will pay for the moving of the border wall and for the construction of the additional 50 miles of fence.
Much of our deportation struggles will be over. Illegal Mexican immigrants will now be US citizens. With a smaller and now walled off border we will need fewer border patrol agents and ICE agents. Existing agents can take the war on drugs to the front lines in Mexico. After combining our beefed up forces with Mexico's existing drug enforcement agencies, the war on drugs, much like the wars in Ukraine, Palestine and Iran, will be over in just a few days.
The NFL already plays American Football in Mexico. Football is quite popular there. We could add an NFL team to represent the new states or move an existing team there. The name of this NFL team will be the Mexican MAGAs. A fist-pumping Trump can be the mascot of this new team. The Village People's “YMCA” will be played at every home game in Mexico City just like The Killers Mr. Brightside is played at Bills games. Cheerleaders can be selected from Trump's beauty pageants and they will of course copy his two handed dance moves.
Come to think of it, If we add four more states to our great country, that would put us at 54. Everyone prefers multiples of five. Let's go ahead and add Canada. That would put us at a mathematically pleasing 55 states of the United States of America. I know that just a few Canadians are reluctant about joining the good old USA but once we add four Mexican states, I think even the the current liberal, socialist and Marxist Canuck government will love the idea. Canadian Snowbirds can travel to where it's warm in winter and not even leave their country.
There are so many benefits to adding Mexico and Canada to the USA in this fashion that I can't possibly list them all. Plus I am exceeding my word count here. I am sure readers' minds are swirling with ideas too. Once the Supreme Leader finalizes our winning concepts there will be so much winning that the American people may soon tire of it. But never fear. There will always be other countries that Trump can add as states, with their will or against it.
Andrew Ludwig is a retired math teacher and a retired public school and Catholic school administrator. He currently works as a substitute teacher in Chautauqua County.