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It’s not often that I will refer to another writer's thinking and observation of human behaviors in print. I am going to make an exception in this case. Mark Talley of Buffalo describes, in detail, his thinking about some of today's youth. His mother, Geraldine Talley, was one of 10 people shot to death by a white supremacist on May 14, 2022. He is also the author of "5/14 – the Day the Devil Came to Buffalo."
“My friends who are teachers see it every day. My other friends who are child psychologists who work at the office of Children and Family Services tell me that we are raising many children with no discipline, no accountability, no structure, and no responsibility. These thinking patterns are showing up in the work force and they are now impossible to ignore. We are raising a generation of kids that are not hire-able. A generation of "Mommy and Daddy kids" who say, "Please hold my hand" and who shut down the second life stops catering to them. In this day and age, and in this economy, that's a recipe for disaster. When we observe their lifestyle, factors such as no sleep, junk food, chemicals in everything we drink and eat, along with non-step stress. These factors hit motivation, confidence and behaviors. …
“Kids raised with all love and no limits appear to grow up with little resilience and no stress tolerance. They can talk about their feelings all day, but have great difficulty regulating them. Buffalo employers are observing it constantly – young adults who crumble under criticism, shut down when things get difficult and act like conflict is violence. Gentle parenting does not prevent trauma. It delays it. …
“Gentle parenting does not prepare Buffalo's young boys and girls for adulthood. It sets them up for collapse. We need to get back to parenting that mixes empathy with expectations, comfort with challenges, love with limits, or we are going to observe a generation who struggles under the weight of a world they were never taught to carry. Buffalo doesn't need harsher parents, just stronger ones.”
Mark has worked with many, many children in his lifetime. As you can read into his remarks, he obviously had a great mother that taught him values and not to ever quit and give up. He happens to be an African-American man in the inner city of Buffalo.
To think these problems are just inner-city problems is absurd. Many of you know me in this city as a teacher and basketball coach for more than 30 years. I apologize for nothing that I ever did when working with children, because I wasn't just teaching how to read or learn basketball, but taking these things into the future. Like Mark says, "When life hits you hard."
Being older than Mark, I don't agree with a total indictment of gentle parenting, because many of the parents I worked with knew that without pain, there's no gain. However, I don't live in his neighborhood, but I'm sure you could find the same kind of problems in Hamburg, Orchard Park, Dunkirk, Fredonia, Jamestown, Lakewood, Clymer, Sherman, Mina, with some of today's parents and spoiled youth. I applaud him for having the integrity and wisdom to "do something" to make Buffalo better.
As I have often told my teams, "God never blinks." Prepare yourself, believe in your teammates and play hard and play smart.
Two thoughts for the month: "The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain." – Dolly Parton; "Sexiness wears thin after awhile, and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, now that's a real treat." – Joanne Woodward.
Mike Tramuta is a Rational Emotive Behavior Therapist. He can be reached at 716-983-1592.