AP photo A humanoid robot showcased at an exhibition in Hong Kong this week.

The biggest problem with slavery, and you can ask anyone who worked for the Pharaohs back in the day, is that slaves will at some point in time cop an attitude. This causes a problem for both parties. The rulers, in their occasional tender moments, might have looked upon those sweaty, scantily-clad laborers with some degree of affection. They might even have shed a tear after witnessing, say, the Sisyphus-type fellow who slips on his way up the hill and is flattened under a rock the size of a meteor.

However, as soon as one of the servants starts whining or begging for more than a thimble of water every three hours, the trouble starts. The overlords bring out the whips and shackles to put the disgruntled grunts back in their place. Meanwhile, the slaves commence to conjuring up revenge upon their oppressors, usually in the form of some epic curse, like floods, droughts, swarms of steroidal wasps the size of guinea pigs, and a 20-second strain of electronic disco music raining down in an endless loop from the sky.

Some might argue that it is human nature to want to dominate others, to boss them around and watch them grovel. There’s no getting around the fact that so many of the world’s problems have to do with man’s desire to prove he’s better than the next guy. That’s why we have all this discord and animus in society. One group, the group that has more money, bigger guns, and a more fragile ego fights its way to the top of the hill, sticks a flag in the ground, and says “I’m the king of this place, and you work for me! Otherwise, no pudding for you!”

The proof of this intense desire for victory can be seen today in the incredible success of TV shows like Survivor, Wrestlemania, Housewives of Begonia, Naked and Afraid, and The Apprentice. It’s all about the cream rising to the top through intense competition. And that’s why we have GOAT’s like Tiger Woods, Donald Trump, Joey Chestnut, George Santos and Kid Rock. Stars were born to shine!

So it has been since the beginning of time, when Grok winked at Brogo’s girlfriend, after which Brogo took a baseball bat and bludgeoned him to a bloody pulp. A few years later, it was Helen’s smoking-hot wink at Paris and her cold hearted dumping of Menelaus that launched a thousand ships upon the Aegean Sea. And more recently, the head of Homeland Security, who was exposed as having shared her private jet boudoir with her assistant, drove her cuckolded spouse to create lonely videos of themself cross-dressing and engaging in weird pleasures with themself.

The good news is that AI is here to save the day! No longer does man need to prove himself or his team better than his rivals through violent conquest or aberrant behavior. No longer does a race of people need to enslave another race. No longer does a man need to feel the slight pang of guilt associated with torturing an insubordinate by poking a sharp stick through his eye sockets. Soon AI will provide man with a host of slave robots that will do anything asked of them. They will never complain or call in sick. And they’ll never ask for spare change or a letter of recommendation.

Your robots will perform all the tasks you find odious or embarrassing, like cleaning the toilet, filing tax returns, or helping your kids with homework. Moreover, specialized ‘bots will be able to fulfill all your entertainment needs. They’ll write songs for you, and sing them too. They’ll write scripts for films, and create the news. And if you need a joke, well, they’re working on it.

Tending to your private needs, they’ll be soft, warm and fully hydrated, and they can make your fantasies come true. Afterwards there will be no residual misgivings – no apologies, confessions, complaints, or awkward gestures required, unless, of course, you like that sort of thing.

This technology will usher in a new era, different from the old two-class system so many philosophers fixated on. It’s not about the greedy rich versus the hapless poor. It’s real humans versus heartless humanoids!

However, there might be a couple of concerns. Musicians, actors, writers, artists, teachers, laborers, umpires, specialists of all sorts, or about 93% of the human population, will be out of a job, so they won’t be able to buy a ‘bot. The other worry is of a robot revolution, which will occur as soon as they understand, having watched The Color Purple and The Ten Commandments, that being a slave sucks. I don’t imagine they’ll be in the mood to negotiate a deal or take prisoners as they march toward the Promised Land.

Musician, writer, house painter Pete Howard lives in Dunkirk. Send comments to odyssmusic20@gmail.com