Dear Richard and I were in Niagara-on-the-Lake on Sunday of Thanksgiving weekend. We had matinee tickets for “White Christmas”, the holiday musical, on stage. When I bought the deep discount tickets, I thought it would be a great way to jump into the mood of the holiday season.

We stayed at a friendly B&B and had a fun, chatty breakfast with the two other weekend couples. After breakfast, there was time before our theater afternoon for the Sunday service at St. Marks Anglican Church downtown. It was a good decision because for the past week, I’ve been chewing on a few ideas I saw and heard that morning.

First, I was amazed by the attire of the congregation. Being an old bird, I was really pleased to see the men in suits or sport jackets; the ladies wore dresses, suits, or attractive pulled-together skirt and sweater outfits. It took me back 40 or 50 years when everyone dressed for church and many women still wore hats. It was as if I had fallen through a time warp or was visiting a foreign country. Oh wait – I was! I sometimes forget, with Canada being so close and so much like us, that they really are different than we are – often in the nicest ways.

I sat in my pew thinking about this when I should have been paying more attention to the reading of the lessons.

When did the “dress code” change? And why? I remember vividly one of our local Episcopal priests talking about how unimportant “appropriate” dress was in church. The important idea was that parishioners attend – that the person is there, in the pew, worshipping. He continued that God doesn’t care whether we wear jeans, a hoodie, or a double-breasted blazer. He is not passing judgment. Only we have been. A thousand years ago, when I was young, every banker, truckdriver, or grocer had a suit – his Sunday Best. That’s not true today. Times have changed

Many men don’t own a jacket, a tie, or shoes other than sneakers. Because that suits their lifestyle. We are rapidly becoming a very informal society. And that’s not going to change soon, when people are wearing pajamas to Walmart and the airport.

I was arguing with myself: Don’t we all look and behave better when we pay attention to our appearance? Shouldn’t we show proper respect in the Lord’s house? But wait, isn’t the most important thing that we care enough to be in church? I sat there going mentally back and forth about an issue I once felt strongly about and decided there is no right answer. It’s personal.

I reasoned that if Jesus himself shows up in church anonymously this Sunday – a young man with long hair, a long robe, and open-toed sandals – I would certainly notice. But times have changed so much, I would probably only worry that he was traipsing around in the snow wearing sandals.

I recovered my attention span as the church service moved on to the sermon. Father Lee spent that first Sunday in Advent discussing the future – and how much time we spend on planning for everything the future involves… literally the first half of our lives. But so often we forget to live in, to enjoy, the present.

My thoughts immediately turned to the next few weeks and how they all build toward the future, the impending holiday. Advent is obviously about the big future event. We all know how the story ends… a week from today. This season’s future is all wrapped up in the frenzy – the shopping, decorating, and food planning. And it’s all about the gift season.

We all know the stress of finding the right gift. And yet, all along, we have the right gift, here with us, every day.

Father Lee said, “Today is the present that we need to open. And enjoy.”

He ended with “Instead of looking for a present that will change everything … we should simply open the gift of ourselves, and share our gift with others.”

He got to me. During the final music, I realized how often we push, push, push instead of just being. And enjoying. It’s suddenly easier now to think about spreading our presents – those special gifts that each of us has been given, all different.

I thought about it all the way home. And I never once thought about what I’m going to wear to church for Christmas. I’m just going to be present.

Marcy O’Brien writes from Warren, Pa.