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Changing U.S. culture takes toll on superheroes

The news flash about one of America’s greats isn’t all that unexpected. If we can tear down a statue of founding father Thomas Jefferson, anyone of our American heroes is fair game.

Therefore, one of our last superhero is being tampered with to meet the demands of the woke generation. It’s Superman, the son of Jor-El from the planet Krypton, that I’m speaking of. His dad sent him to the earth just before that planet blew up from a climate change that was truly huge. The Krypton version of AOC warned about the planet being heated by the meat industry flatlulence. She was ignored because everybody thought she was a ditz like the earthly AOC and so Krypton went boom.

So what’s the news about Superman that you may have missed? He is now standing for Truth, Justice and A Better Tomorrow. He is no longer standing for the American Way. A Better Tomorrow is sort of an extension of Build Back Better (if we can ever get the darn stuff off the ships).

Superman is now a woke hero because some DC Comic official in charge of wokeness has decided that the American Way was harmful to someone’s tender feelings.

Now that he’s a woke superhero who has a diverse outlook motto of making a better tomorrow, and not just focused on the deplorable American Way, a lot of other aspects of Superman have also been upgraded.

If you’ll recall his space vehicle that brought him to earth crashed in Kansas where he was raised as a young Krypton with middle class privileged parents. That tainted contoured view of life is no longer acceptable to the DC comic creators because the American Way does not lead to equity.

Unlike the millions who are pouring in across our once designated border, Superman came here with his covid vaccine jab already administered by his father Jorel. He came here all tuned for a Better Tomorrow.

Superman was one of the original illegal immigrants to the U.S. many years ago. Nevertheless, according to the wishes of President Biden, Superman may be in line for a federal check of $450,000 because he was separated from his parents due to his home planet being scattered all over the universe in bite-size pieces.

No longer is the new Superman touted as being faster than a speeding bullet. Bullets are to be discouraged in this age of defunding that were based in regressive policies. He used to deflect bullets with his steel wristbands. Now he deflects attacks against his toxic masculinity with a new sensitive awareness of concern and acceptance. The new woke Superman is now faster that a thrown kiss, not bullets.

The Man of Steel is now a man of gentle persuasion. His nemesis Lex Luther is his companion for a Better Tomorrow as the two of them team together to fight global climate change with the new green super hero AOC. I was going to use the staid term heroine but that would be so binary as to make one vomit.

You might be asking is there any other superhero willing to take on the American way abandoned by Superman? Well, the first one I called upon was Batman. If you’ll recall, he’s was focused on washing the cities clean of criminals. With the onset of defunding the police his assignments have grown even larger. When asked about taking on the crusade to promote the America Way, Batman was quick to respond that, ” I am so woke that I am helping these needy victims of the American Way in a process of restorative justice. I am empowering them and their targets to develop an accountability and consequence plan, as long as they don’t shoplift any more than 950 bucks of Walgreens’s goodies.”

So I’ll be on my way as soon as I can find my Batmobile. While I was talking to you, some oppressed and damaged young ze with a gender fluid personage borrowed my Batmobile which I have undeservedly driven for years with privileged pride. My vast research staff did contact him but got no assistance because he was now the newly woke Captain United Nations.

We also had hopes for Captain Marvel but he was now Captain Marvelous and Spiderman had become Spider Ze.

As Don Mclean lamented ” So, bye, bye, American Pie.”

Nin Privitera, former Fredonia resident, now resides in Franklin, Tenn. Send comments to editorial@observertoday.com

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