A short glimpse into a possible presidency
Did you notice the spectacular change a few weeks ago? I did. It was amazing. The air smelled sweet and food tasted so much greater. That’s because Kamala Harris was President of the United States.
Nah, I’m just kidding about the air and the food but I’m not kidding about President Harris.
It only lasted for about an hour and 15 minutes, but boy, it happened. It was last Nov. 19 when Joe Biden underwent a colonoscopy. Due to his pending bout with anesthesia he would be unable to guide America with his usual expertise to Build Back Better. During that hour and 15 minutes, some Americans didn’t grow more united even though Kamala tried her best.
There was a report from CNN’s lead anchor, no more, Chris Cuomo, that in the the Kahlahari of Africa, a lion purportedly actually did lay down with a lamb during Kamala’s historic term as Prez. Of course that was like most stories from CNN; a little shaky in veracity.
President Kamala probably didn’t get a negotiated settlement with the lion and lamb but history was made. My vast research staff was able to get a copy of her term as President from the official White House Journal of Presidential Thingies as recorded by Whoopi Goldberg. Here’s what she reported.
Item 1. Kamala Harris took the oath of office but when she promised to defend the Constitution of the United States she cackled for several minutes. Once she gathered her composure and regained her Presidential stature, she stated with just a giggle, ” Joe Biden said the same thing that I just did and look how that turned out.” She ended her oath-taking moment with another minute of uncontrollable cackles.
Item 2. President Harris went to the Presidential desk in the Oval Office and sat in the Presidential chair, spun around several times with a spirited round of ” Wees!” and cackles. She leaned back in her chair and cried out, “It’s great being the President.” And then, some more wees and giggles ensued.
Item 3. She asked her national security adviser for the protocol on bombing another country. “I’d like to nuke Russia. That Vladimr Putin thinks he such hot stuff with his pecs all aglow and oily like he’s some kind of Greek god, yech.” Give us all a break with the skin show, Puty babe. Who do I call to bomb him?”
When she was told that Congress would have to approve such action she ended her quest for nuking him. She complained, “Oh sure, that’s because I’m a woman. If Joe Biden wanted to nuke him that’d be OK. America is such a misogynist creep of a country. “
Item 4. “How about a drone strike on Tucker Carlson. I’d like to light up that twit for all the deplorable things he’s said about me. Can I send a little drone right on his tucker?” That, of course, was also denied President Harris.
Item 5. Since bombings and drone strikes weren’t an option, Kamala ordered a sumptuous brunch of Eggs Benedict and the head of late night Fox’s Greg Gutfeld. At least she enjoyed her eggs.
As time was ticking down oh her hour and ten minutes of her historic Presidency, she rejoiced in a final action that was approved. She dictated a message to Hillary Clinton recorded by advisor and secretary Joy Behar. ” Dear Hillary, nah, nah, na na nah. I’m President and you’re not. Tough noogies to you, sweetie pie. It’s great being the first lady President not that you’ll ever find out.
Oh, and by the way, I’m donating this pantsuit to the Smithsonian for the whole world to adore for all eternity, or until Joe B. keels over, or goes totally bonkers. Then I’m in it for 7 more years. Eat your heart out, Chillary.”
There was actually an accomplishment during the Presidential tour of duty of Kamala Harris. The leaders of Iran, in a moment of grace, reduced their usual dark intonation of “Death to America” down to “A Severe Headache to America.”
She left the Oval Office with the historic chant of her advisers and supporter of “Seven more years, seven more years.” accompanied by a hearty cackle, of course.
Nin Privitera, former Fredonia resident, now resides in Franklin, Tenn. Send comments to email@example.com